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Hello Everyone! I hope you are all well.

It always amazes me what a powerful thing writing is. Not long ago, just before i started my second term at university, I sat down in my bedroom and fished out my old diary. This diary-unlike most others- has been kept since 2002 and rather than being regularly written in, has simply had important events of my life recorded in it.

In 2002 at the time of the diary entry I was 10. My writing is near illegible, my spelling is atrocious and the actual content is of little interest. But still on those two pages is an imprint of my 10 year old self, at a place in life where i will never be again. Blissfully unaware of all the ups and downs of life that are yet to happen.

I decided early on that this diary would only record moments of significance in my life, but what fascinates me more is how my perception of what is important has changed. I mean sure, there are points in my 13 year old head that are important, starting a new school. The age of 15 was the year of 'the most important exams of your life.' At 16 life was all about being in love and the fun that could be had. Age 17 was once again 'the most important exams of your life' but this time I was an adult.

It is not all just events that only affect me however, there are many moments in the diary including other people. And unfortunately many deaths. If I had known back in 2002 that my Granpa, whom I love dearly was going to die of cancer, his funeral held on my birthday, or that on my birthday again in 2005 my wonderful Auntie would die of cancer, then I wonder what type of person I would have become.

At the time of things happening it is often very hard to see how such events will turn us into the people we are today, but I suppose that hindsight is always 20/20. At the tender age of 18 I am in no way stating that I know everything, I still have much to learn. But in terms of what lessons life has already taught me, I would say that I am gaining a very well rounded education.

A letter to my past self.

Dear 10 year old Alice,

This is your older self talking to you. No you're not fat but nor are you the size you were when you turn 12 (funny thing that). Yes you have gone to university, no I don't know if you get a degree yet and no I can't change the past I'm sorry. Stop being such an idiot and stop trying to get suspended, it’s not worth it. Yes your hair is still blonde, you like the curls now. Yes you can drive, and you have a car, you still love to read and you now know how Harry Potter ends. Is that roughly all you would ask? I expect so, i mean I am you. A big transition is coming up in your life shortly. Embrace it. It will turn you into a better person. Now listen up...

1) Do study as boring as it is. Just because you are reasonably smart doesn't mean you'll get A's without working, don't settle for satisfactory.

2) Everybody dies. It doesn't matter how much you love them, sometimes people can't be saved. Cherish every moment. If it's a choice between playing in the garden or being with your Granpa, chose the latter, that way you won't regret your choice later in life.

3) Laugh at yourself more. The world won't come to an end if you do something silly.

4) Ask questions. Don't at the back of the maths class feeling stupid, just ask. It's what the teachers are there for.

5) You don't have to be perfect, just try your best because in the end your best is all anybody really expects from you.

6) Don't put yourself down. Trust me on this one, there are plenty of other people who will do it for you.

7) When it all gets really bad, and it will, remember to breath. It is not your fault.

8)Love and be loved. Allow your heart to be broken to teach you to be strong. Love your friends to because the lot you meet will stick by you for years

9) Finally as much as you may not want to hear it, do as Mum and Dad ask, they are the only ones you'll ever have and will help you out so much in later life. They really do know best and trying to piss them off and 'rebel' every 35 minutes is not helping anyone, especially yourself. Also remind yourself that Dad is not a bank, though he will always help you out if needs be.

Lastly let me leave you with this to ponder on.

"I shall pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again."

With love – and the many hugs you will want but not receive over the next few years- from your 18 year old self.
Ali
xxx

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